A few years back a mentor of mine was asking if I had ever fully forgiven myself for the death of my wife, Terri Tinsley, who was tragically killed in a car crash back on December 2003. While I was not involved in that accident, I did feel guilt about not having driven her to her doctor appointment that day. Apparently I had been holding onto that guilt for years.
Here’s a letter of forgiveness to myself:
I know this will be hard to hear and the truth needs to be told. I tell you these things because I love you and you have so much to give. So, you need to fully, and I mean FULLY forgive yourself for Terri’s death.
I just want you to know that if you have any thoughts in your conscious, subconscious or anywhere floating around or hidden in there that you could have done ANYTHING or SOMETHING DIFFERENT to change the circumstances or situation to prevent the death of Terri, you need to know that is TOTAL BS! Yes, it’s bullshit! Say it out loud, Perry “That’s Bullshit!”
You did the best you could with what you had during that time. You were not at fault with what happened. There is nothing you could have done differently. You were as loving a husband as you could be during that time. I want you to hear that! You need to KNOW THAT. And if there are any lingering thoughts. Any inkling of doubt, fears, or “what ifs” lingering inside that mind of yours…anything floating under the surface or deeply buried in the caverns of your mind, I want you to willingly release all of it right now. Let it go. You don’t need it. It’s not yours to keep. It’s not yours to bear. It’s BS, it’s made up and it’s not your reality.
Everything in life happens for a reason. Look at what you have. Look at the amazing life you are living with Hillary. Look at what you have done. Look at the lives you touch and inspire! Look at the way you now look at life! You value life! That is a true gift my friend. Terri gave you a true gift.
I know this stings as I see the tears roll down your face, but it’s time to FULLY let it all go!
Know that Terri loves you deeply and will forever. She will watch over your life and will always be there when you need her.
Release these now and fully forgive yourself buddy! You are worth it and have many gifts to share!
I so appreciate you sharing this letter with me! It felt amazing to write it as a weight seemed to be lifted. A sense of “everything is going to be OK” sort of feeling!
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